Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Discovery of You

Are you who you ought to be? Have you met your "real" self? Are you getting a little nervous as to where this post may be going? Perhaps you don't want to think about it. Perhaps you feel you could be more than you are even if you currently are wonderful and awesome but situations and circumstances force you to play another role. I'll admit I've played many roles in my lifetime and I'd like to think I still have an equal amount of lifetime left if not many more years beyond to play even more roles that will ultimately, finally reveal the truest me. I think to get to the point of discovering your true, authentic self, you need to have many experiences, you need to gain wisdom through loss, and you need to nurse wounds over time and be willing to nurture your own growth.

I'll be the first to tell you that where I started from to where I am now is a complete surprise to most, but not to me. Why? Because I am growing into the person I am supposed to be. If you're not familiar with my story, click here. If you're wondering how I went from rocket scientist to domestic engineering-stay-at-home mom-jewelry-maker-blogger, then click here. Discovering truths about yourself and piecing it all together to form a cohesive you isn't easy, and sometimes, can be painful and scary. You're going through life as one person, perfectly content and not thinking too much about what makes you happy because you're enveloped in the day-to-day operations of your life. Suddenly revelation strikes and you think, who am I? Am I happy doing what I'm doing? If I decided to change, who would I be? What would I do? Well, these questions, my friend, is what I call opportunity knocking. Is yours a gentle rat-a-tat-tat or is it beating down your door screaming, "Open up you fool! Great things are waiting for you if you just turn the knob!" Some of us force it which I don't recommend and some times opportunity presents itself as easily as the sun rises. I had that opportunity almost 7 years ago to redefine who I was going to be. In that 7 years, my discovery adventure has been here, there, and everywhere. Many would probably say I don't know who I am or what I want; that I'm directionless. But, see, that's the process of discovery: trying different things and seeing what works, what doesn't. It's through all the "here, there, and everywhere" that truly begins to unmask the real you that you were meant to be. My rule: if what you're trying doesn't bear good results, leave it, move on, go another direction, try another approach. Struggling is a sign saying this may not be the path that needs to be followed. But by stepping out and doing what may feel uncomfortable is the only way to continue to discover your authentic self. Doing something afraid is not a struggle, it's just an emotion. Little by little, spend some quality time with yourself to just think, dream, and explore a new world of opportunity just waiting to be released by the real you.

Are you living a life that makes you most happy?


OHmommy said...

Boy am I glad I clicked on over here. This is exactly what I needed to read. Thank you so much for this.

I am LOVD said...

And thanks for your comment! I'm glad it tugged at the heart strings. Good luck with your journey.

Pam said...

Hi Lilly,

I loved your thought for the day!
Thanks for sharing with me!


Anonymous said...

wow, great post. i've been a sahm for 6 years. it was by choice and we've had to sacrifice along the way but all worth it. i gave up a good job, good pay so that i can be with my kids instead of having someone else raise them. but i've always felt that at some point i had to rediscover myself before it was too late. and i tried. see, a couple of years ago, i decided to apply for a govt agent job, a dream of mine. i remember going into my interview and being asked why i wanted this if i had 2 small children. i told them that i wanted to show my kids that anything is possible if you put your mind to it, even as a sahm! i passed. and so i spent a year preparing for my physical test. sometimes i think i gave it my all, other times i wish i would have done more because when the test came around, i failed. now at almost 36, there's no chance of me ever becoming an agent and it breaks my heart everytime i think of it and when i look at my kids. i blame myself and have this fear that i'll always feel regretful. it's a tough feeling to shake. here i had the chance of a lifetime, one that i had wanted for so long, and i disappointed myself. some say maybe it just wasn't for me, etc. but i know it could have been. as i'm trying to crawl out of this dark place, i keep thinking i can't feel like this forever b/c my happiness is my family. so i commend you for your journey and hope that mine leads me to where i'm supposed to be. and that hopefully, this feeling will dissipate.

I am LOVD said...

Dearest Anonymous,
First, thank you for sharing your story. I know it has touched many. All we have to do is insert our own dream in place of your words "govt agent job" and we know the feelings you have felt. I'll let you in on a little secret...the feelings of disappointment, the discrediting of self-worth, the "dark place" as you call it does birth light again. And, (here's the secret because I know you knew the first part), when you live in the light again you'll think, "hey, I've got it together. I'm finally over it. I've found my way." Then WHAM!!! A day comes when you crawl back into the darkness, usually for no apparent reason. This roller-coaster is shared by many of us. Don't let it frighten you. I think it's what one has to go through to truly grow into who they were meant to become. Call it a testing of wills.

For your own situation, I want to share with you what I see when I read your story. I'm referring to the lesson within your story. See, you wanted to show your 2 children that a stay-at-home mom can work towards her dream through hard work, determination, and ambition. That you did, my dear. And the fact that you call the result a failure makes my heart ache because that is not the lesson. Your children see that you had a dream and you tried to make it a reality. You stepped up, you gave your best - but that is not the lesson. The lesson, my soul sister, is not in the failure but rather in the recovery. It is your chance to teach your children how one goes on after disappointment, even after doing all the right things to try to achieve the dream. Many will say it probably wasn't meant to be and I know you probably just want to punch them because, if you had just been given the chance, you would have been great. But meant to be or not doesn't matter. What matters is you have been given a gift through your experience of loss and disappoint, to teach your children how to move on and make the best of things, and how to find the light in the darkness, no matter how many times the switch turns off. Are you hearin' me? That is the bigger picture.

I can't thank you enough for your post and I hope you visit often and share more moments when the mood strikes. LOVD tidings, Lilly

Anonymous said...

oh lilly, thank you for your comforting words. i hope you're right. it just seems as i try to move forward, my mind always takes me back to what could have been if i had only tried harder. i will definitely be dropping by again now that i've found your site and enjoy reading your posts. your words mean more than i can express. i'll keep you posted. until then, i pray that something better falls into place and takes my mind of this. thank you, thank you...


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