My Happiness. My Responsibility.

It's not our fault really, now is it? Since the day we were born we've been relying on others to make us and keep us happy. As babies we weep aloud and a mother's response is to coax and soothe us, to make us happy again, to take away our discomfort. As toddlers we giggle from our gut and the reactions we get from onlookers are that of happiness and genuine smiles. We like it because we begin to make the connection that happiness is an outward emotion that can have positive effects on others and meet our needs when we're hurting. Happiness is an expression of give and take between humans, cause and effect between people, not at all an inward sanction of one's self. As children we look to others and favor those people in our lives who make us most happy. Is it any wonder we grow-up looking to others for our own happiness? Since birth it's the way we've been trained.

It takes a lot of growing up, a lot of inner reflection, and a putting on of big-girl panties to finally conclude that one's own happiness is solely reliant on one's self. I know Hubby means well and his heart is in the right place, but I cringe when I hear my husband say to me, "I just want to make you happy." As a sweet gesture from a husband to his wife, an expected showing of love, I would have accepted that notion 15 years ago, but not now. I know now that no one can make me genuinely happy but me. Sure, there are times others bring happiness to me but that is merely a fleeting emotion - I enjoy it while it's there. But let me ask you something directly. How do you feel when there's nothing exciting going on in your life, nothing in particular to look forward to? Are you happy? Genuine happiness is a state of being, not a state of emotion. And, the choice is yours, really. To be genuinely happy you cannot rely on others because, and I don't care who it is, people will eventually disappoint their fellow man in some capacity (usually not on purpose). Your happiness must come from you. It's what will make you stable. It is what will carry you through all of life's up AND down moments.

Author Elizabeth Gilbert finds just the right words to what I am trying to convey in her ever-so popular book Eat, Pray, Love.

"...people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you're fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."

When your eyes awake from slumber each and every morning, before you set your feet on the floor, decide what kind of day you will have. Then do your duty to keep it that way, no matter what may come to pass in the hours that lay ahead of you. You may not be able to control the state of the world around you, but you can be in total control of your own state of being.

When did you first realize your happiness was your own responsibility?