Elements of Happiness: Thanks Giving

We have reached the final installment (for now) of the Series: Elements of Happiness. It was my little attempt to share with you the journey I have been on for some time now, and what I have learned in the process. I say "for now" because I'd like to reflect more on the subject and, as I come to revelation myself, I'd like to continue to share with you my happiness platitudes. You never know who you are going to reach.

This 6th installment is one that is probably the most simplest, yet most important of all the Elements of Happiness. Yet, as we have all experienced, there is complexity in the simple. We make it so. It's because we want to make it hard, we want to make it difficult. We think if it's worth having, it's worth working for, but happiness doesn't follow those rules. The number one, most important action is Gratitude. Giving thanks clears the foggy view to expose all your current blessings. The mist rises and clarity ensues when gratitude is declared. This simple act can do even more than just put things into perspective, oh, so much more.

Gratitude Gives Back
Be honest, have you ever truly given thanks on a regular basis? I'm not talking sending out wishes to distant stars or hunting 4-leaf clovers; I'm talking about taking a moment or two to thank the Universe for all you currently have, for everything and everyone you currently enjoy. Gratitude lives in the past and the present, but it gives you a future. That's because gratitude follows the Laws of Newton; more specifically, the Third Law. If you've experienced the effects of giving thanks, you'll know what I'm talking about. However, if you have yet to put gratitude into practice on a regular basis, you'll be skeptical until you begin to try. For all the thanks you put out into the Universe, the Universe will give back, sometimes equally, sometimes giving you more than you deserve, quite frankly. It's a humbling experience, but when it begins to happen, it is powerful and amazing!

Change of Heart
Gratitude is a powerful thing and when you get it in motion, it's unstoppable. But, gratitude isn't just a noun, something you give to get, it's also a verb. Being grateful changes your perspective and begins to soften your heart and touches your soul. Suddenly, those things that used to matter to you are no longer that important. You begin to appreciate the way things are, right now. You begin to realize all that you do have IS all you need and this realization grows the heart "two sizes too big". Your heart begins to grow, your peace increases, and your acceptance comes along for the ride. With gratitude, your priorities begin to surface.

The World Gets Bigger
It's very easy to get into a "what about me" attitude in this world today. We rely less on our neighbors today, we're always watching our backs to see who's coming up from behind, because there's always somebody who wants to be where you're at. But, when you begin declaring gratitude, the ego gets set aside and true grace emerges because you look outside yourself to be thankful. Gratitude is not about you, it's about others. So, when you begin your gratitude journey, you begin seeing the beauty of the world's offerings, not the lack within your own world.
 

Hook, Line, and Sinker

Many play the "Jones's" game and even more are hypnotized by the barrage of advertising campaigns constantly reminding us that happiness can be bought, even if it is through a bottle of perfume, sports car, or tech-gadget. And, in turn, we think, yes! As long as I have the money, I can buy that happiness. So, what happens? You work more, to make more, to buy more, to be more happy. But, the reality is the happiness doesn't come. Why? Because advertising never stops. Once you attain that "false happiness", you'll realize that didn't do it so you'll look to the next thing they are trying to sell you.

How Do I Begin?

Slowly and simply: it's the only way to make it last. Gratitude shouldn't be complicated and it shouldn't be a chore. Personally, I have started a Gratitude Journal. Every Monday I dedicate that day's blog post to giving thanks from the simple and obvious like breathing and having hot water, to the petty like finding a good sale on sheets. It doesn't matter what you declare thanks towards. What matters is that you do it. You'll find some days you get mega-reflective and feel like your declarations are truly deep and meaningful. Other days it's hard to find the obvious like family, good health, and friends. You'll find that the more you do it, the easier it gets. And, you come to find out so much about yourself like where you hold your values and priorities in your life. But, the most important revelation is discovering how truly blessed you are in this life. Realization of one's circumstances always attains wisdom, and with that kind of understanding, leads to peace. All of that, together, is required for happiness.

Some people take a few minutes before they close their eyes for the day and think of all the things they are grateful for. Nothing is written or typed, it's simply declared in the mind. Whichever method you choose doesn't matter, the point is that the time is taken for reflection. Give yourself those precious moments to re-calibrate your life and find your own true North.

If you do this regularly, I can assure you, the Universe will reward you with so much favor, you won't believe it. But, you won't know until you try. It takes time, it takes effort, and it takes consistency, but you will reap the rewards. But, the true reward is your change of heart, your change on perspective, and your expanded world that awaits your love. Declare it and share it!

I hope you've enjoyed this Series: Elements of Happiness. If you have missed any of the previous posts, please click the links below.

1. Quack Like a Duck
2. Accept Yourself
3. Take Shelter
4. People Pleasers Need Not Apply
5. Letting Go 

       

Elements of Happiness: Letting Go

I used to be a "my way, or the highway" kind of gal when I was younger, less wise, and better looking to be able to get away with it. These days, wrinkles are surfacing, gray hairs are creeping, and wisdom is expanding (along with waistlines, but that's another story). If you're lucky, with time comes wisdom as youth fades into grace, and I'd like to think that's the path I am on. I'm learning about the true importance of life; through trials and failures, I'm expanding my experiences and retaining the education that comes from a curious mind and open heart.

The only problem is when you do put yourself out there, trying new things and expanding your views, life becomes a bit more challenging and complex. What did you expect? If you sat in a closet all your life, nothing would happen, absolutely nothing, in fact. You wouldn't grow your mind and perspective, you would make no contribution to the world, and you certainly wouldn't be achieving your true calling. But, you probably wouldn't have much to fret over: in the closet, ignorance is bliss. But, is that why we're here? I'd like to think not!

Part of life is doing, and part of doing means experiencing triumphs as well as set-backs. And in between it all is a lot of waiting. But, it's in the way you wait that can either add to or rob from your joy and happiness. Are you a worrier? Today's the day you need to set your mind to letting go of that weightiness that takes up brain space and burdens you so heavily. It's time to Surrender All, Cast Your Cares, and stop playing Holy Ghost, Junior. Can you do that? I wrote an earlier post on this very subject and I think, if you're serious about adopting these Elements of Happiness, you should read it, click here. It will help you gain perspective on surrendering your cares to a Spirit that actually has the power to do something about it. You are not in this alone and the sooner you realize it, the happier you'll be and the easier it will become to stop the incessant worry.

Part of letting go the worry is having the faith and patience to let Spirit do what needs to be done. Patience. Yes, something I'm still working on. It's not that I don't trust God to work out the situation for my good, I do. But, I want to have a meeting with God to discuss the details, the how's and the when's (most definitely the when's), and whether or not I agree with His approach. You know, brainstorm a few ideas together and see which is best. Ummm, that's not the way it works and I know it. I need to constantly remind myself that Surrendering All, is exactly that: ALL!

If you have the unfortunate circumstance of desiring control of all aspects of your life and practicing impatience, then you have to start turning things around if you want to achieve happiness. It won't be easy, but tell me what Element of Happiness is? Start small. You'll come to find that, even without your meddling, things usually work out for the best.

You're skeptical, I can feel it. It's OK. When you let go of the worry, you are releasing energy into other areas of your life that you can have an impact on. The key is knowing which issues are beyond your worrying about them, and which ones still require some work on your part. It's difficult to distinguish at times, but you'll know which is which soon enough. If all you can do is worry, it's time to release.   

Casting your cares doesn't mean you don't care, it just means you know the point when there's nothing more you can do. Can you think of a time where worrying helped a situation? And, I do mean the situation, not helping you feel like you were helping the situation by worrying. Usually, it ends up being a lot of wasted time, worrying for nothing. Worrying has never helped in resolution. When there's nothing left to do, most people worry, because it's the only thing that can be done. Happy people don't live their lives this way. STOP! It's at that point where you give it over to a Higher Power, wipe your hands clean of it, and concentrate your mind on more productive matters. Try it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Don't say you can't change or it's not in your nature. It is and if you begin to try, you will make progress.

This article is the 5th installment to the Series: Elements of Happiness. If you'd like to read previous articles, please click on the titles below.

1. Quack Like a Duck
2. Accept Yourself
3. Take Shelter
4. People Pleasers Need Not Apply

  

Elements of Happiness: People Pleasers Need Not Apply

Sounds harsh, doesn't it? Sorry to be so blunt, but I think this is the most important Happiness Element. Today's post may be hard to take for most, but hang in there and keep reading. So many people, especially women, are robbed of their peace, happiness, and contentment because we're so busy trying to please others at the cost of pleasing ourselves. We're addicted to approval; a female epidemic sweeping the nation, just as fast as heart disease. We take measures to keep our arteries clean, but are we willing to keep our schedules clear for the sake of our own happiness? Happiness cannot coexist with exhaustion.

Perhaps this key piece to the happiness puzzle is something you've already got figured out. Good for you! All sarcasm aside, if you've got a handle on this, you've got my deepest respect and admiration. Maybe you're not sure if you're a People Pleaser? Dr. Nicola Davies, a health psychology writer and researcher, shares the following attributes most typical of a People Pleaser. Do any look familiar?

Eager to agree with others

Cannot say "no" or set limits

Inability to make independent decisions

Fear of abandonment

Easily disappointed

It's not all bad, you know. People Pleasers have some very good qualities. Usually, People Pleasers are reliable, they carry out tasks to the letter, and the end results are always from a person giving their very best effort. What's wrong with that? A lot if the cost to achieve it is your happiness.

I wouldn't be dishing this out if I hadn't eaten the same dose myself. I used to be the President of the People Pleasers Club, but I had to change to save myself from myself. You have to do the same if this is sounding like you. No one else will do this for you. It's human nature for a person to pick a People Pleaser to do the job. Why not? You know the job will get done, and it will get done right. But when person after person comes to you with request after request, your dance card gets filled up pretty quickly. And, who can blame you? Who doesn't like the accolades and atta-girls when your efforts are displayed and people stand in awe, mouths open, as you hear whispers of "How does she do it?" Feels good, right? WRONG! Let go of ego and your happiness meter will rise faster than a snowball melting in Hell.

The Escape Clause
You are not a rubberband. Inflexibility can be a good thing. Stop thinking it would be easier to say "yes" than to say "no". Think of an escape clause. Practice it in the mirror. "Sorry, I would have loved to help out but the month is just too crazy this time around." Practice your escape phrase in the mirror if you have to, just so it comes out as naturally as breathing. I'm not saying you have to be a "No Monster", but perhaps limit your commitments to one per month. Or, for every 2 requests you say "yes" to, be sure to say "no" to the next 3. Do what works for you, but make changes for the betterment of you!

Offer Solutions
As a People Pleaser, you're also a wonderful problem-solver. So, when you say "no" to a request, you don't have to feel so bad or guilty about it if you offer up a solution or alternative right there on the spot. "Sorry, I would have loved to help out but the month is just too crazy this time around. Perhaps you can call Veronica? She'd be a great person to get that done for you." I know, it's passing the buck, but so what? Your past People Pleasing moments have built up a good enough reputation to allow this response. Besides, requesters better start getting used to it. Are you with me?

I Don't Even Know You Anymore
Not everyone will take the "new you" in stride. In fact, some may even be put off by your new persona. Tough! You've got to get past this idea that your "no" will be hurtful or disappointing to another person. Let's just get this out on the table. It WILL be hurtful and disappointing to the other person, because they won't be used to that response coming from you. The person you said "no" to will be put off, perhaps even feel rejected, by your response. You may even be "accused" of not being a team player. This I know: they will get over it. You may actually be pleasantly surprised as to how quickly life moves on. But this is where the rubber hits the road, this is the moment where you have to decide whether you are going to continue to live your life for others, or live it for yourself. Which is it?

Reward Your New Habit
When you begin to move away from your People Pleasing ways, celebrate your progress! Take the time you would have been working on that new project and relax a little, read a book, take a walk, think and just be. Your transformation won't happen overnight. You'll make huge strides, then fall back into your old ways because it's where you're most comfortable. But it's not where you're most happy. Keep pushing ahead, even when you've fallen behind. When you finally are able to make all of these Happiness Elements work for you in your life, you come to discover the value of happiness. When you have it in your grasp, you never want to let it go. It becomes something so sacred, not even a school fund raising bake sale will persuade you to give it up. Not even pleas from PTA members will allow you to compromise that which you have worked so hard to achieve, happiness. Hold on to it tightly, don't take it for granted, and see how wonderful life can be when you control your schedule and commitments.

This article is the 4th installment to the Series: Elements of Happiness. If you'd like to read previous articles, please click on the titles below.

1. Quack Like a Duck
2. Accept Yourself
3. Take Shelter

Check out next week's posts for the conclusion of this very special feature.